As much as I try to avoid it.. I hurt. Maybe not on my way to class, maybe not as I avoid the thought of how terrible it makes me feel when I sit in class alone, maybe not when I’m sitting on netflix for hours and trying not to think of what I wasn’t invited to this time.. But when I lay in bed, I cannot escape it. When there is nothing to distract me from it, I’m lonely. Lonely so much it hurts. I just want someone to care and to be here and to be closer than I’ve ever had anyone. I want someone who I can see face to face every day. Yes, I have people miles away, but we can never be close enough, because of distance. And as hard as we try to fight it, it still gets in the way. It hurts to see pictures of my friends, miles away, with their new best friend for the week. Should it hurt me? No. But it still does. It hurts me to think about how I sit alone in every classroom. How I wish I had a friend and how I wish that every person I made an effort to be friends with would return the favor. Sometimes I wonder if there is anything wrong with me. People complain because I complain about not having a best friend, but where were you when I needed you? You were with that girl that you now call your best friend. You were avoiding me. You were not hanging out with me unless I put forth all the effort. You weren’t inviting me to things when I invited you to everything. You were only using me when you needed someone and then not being there when I needed something. Or telling me that I was wrong for feeling the way I did. I’m lonely. I don’t want to be alone. I want to have the super close friend that I do everything with. The one that everyone says is impossible to have, but yet everyone has that person… I just want someone to accept my failures. Know the truth about me and still keep me around. Listen to me. Be here for me as much as I am there for them..
I’m hurting and I’m tired of keeping it hidden behind a smile. I don’t know who to talk to about any of it, so I’m telling social networks. I don’t care if you judge me for it. I don’t care if no one reads it. I’m just wanting to get it out so that maybe I will feel better. Maybe I won’t. But it’s worth a try.
So if a teenager is at school for roughly 8 hours, and they are doing homework for 6+ hours, and they need AT LEAST 9 HOURS OF SLEEP FOR THEIR DEVELOPING BRAINS, then they may have 0-1 hours for other activities like eating, bathing, exercise, socializing (which is actually incredibly important for emotional, mental, and physical health, as well as the development of skills vital to their future career and having healthy romantic relationships among other things), religious activities, hobbies, extra curriculars, medical care of any kind, chores (also a skill/habit development thing and required by many parents), relaxation, and family time? Not to mention that your parents may or may not pressure you to get a job, or you might need to get one for economic reasons.